I'll Wear Any Color As Long As It's Black

0 2 / 2 7 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 27, 2009


Sydney, Australia; November 2006.

Some pictures on Andrew’s blog reminded me of these photos I took in Sydney a few years ago. My boyfriend at the time was working with a band there for a month (he’s a sound engineer/mixer/producer) and he invited me to join him for part of it. I have obviously always wanted to go to Australia, though most people are surprised that I didn’t make it to Melbourne (I will, eventually). There simply wasn’t enough time. I think I was there for about ten days, but Chris only had three days off during that time. On one of those days we took the bus to Bondi Beach and wandered along the cliffs to this cemetery. Another day we took the ferry from Sydney Harbour to Manly and of course, neither of us remembered to take any pictures of all the great spots like Manly Pizza, Manly Video Store, etc. The rest of my time there was spent wandering around shops for this article I wrote for Refinery 29On Location: Sydney and harassing Ilirjana’s friend Benji to hang out with me. Benji proved to be an impeccable guide — showing me all kinds of great nightlife haunts, where to get vegan food (he runs a website called Vegan Sydney) and introducing me to a bunch of rad folks. I only hope that I managed to repay the favor when he was last in NYC.

My time in Australia was nothing short of amazing, even though I had to spend a lot of it exploring things alone (even went to the zoo alone so I could see kangaroos and koalas because, contrary to popular belief, they’re not just hanging out in and under trees in the city square) and thinking about it really makes me miss traveling. The last time I left the country was October 2007, when I went to Berlin with some friends. I’m planning on doing something this summer, but I don’t know exactly what. Originally I had wanted to go to Iceland and a few other countries, but if Massimo goes to Italy, I might want to visit him there (if he’ll have me). Either way, I need something. The itch to leave is always present . . . it’s the only way to determine if the place where I spend most of my time is worth it (New York always is . . .).

0 2 / 2 6 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 26, 2009


Wearing orange silk dress by Roberta Freymann with Silence & Noise leggings, Silence & Noise pleather blazer/bolero, Sam Edelman boots. Special guest star: Johnny.

This whole situation of moving, or not moving, or half-living, or whatever — of being in Boston and opening the store and changing my life fundamentally — has been really difficult on me. I’ve gone through all the classic signs of depression/anxiety — from drinking and partying too much to not wanting to leave the house, feeling ecstatic one moment and horribly injured the next. I keep trying to use all the knowledge I’ve gained over the years in an attempt to sort out what’s been banging around inside my head . . . to understand myself better. Sometimes, seemingly to no avail. Earlier I was talking with Massimo because he mentioned that he had been having similar feelings and for some reason, a thought struck me. Though we’re not living parallel lives at all, we do have one thing in common: our age. 27. I know that this is around the time that the First Saturn Return happens and though I am not always convinced of astrology’s validity, my interest in the esoteric does tend to make me a believer most of the time. So I looked up the First Saturn Return and here’s what I found:

Many of us approach our thirtieth birthdays with anxiety, even dread. We start looking for gray hairs and paying attention to ads for wrinkle creams. We question whether we are climbing the career ladder quickly enough. We hear the biological clock ticking loudly and worry that soon we will be too old to bear children.

Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty “Saturn Return.” That’s because it’s the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born. Internationally respected astrologer Rob Hand calls Saturn Return “one of the most important times in your life. . . a time of endings and new beginnings.”

For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny. You examine your true needs and desires and the role you want to play on the world’s stage. You may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level. The Saturn Return is every individual’s search for the Holy Grail.

The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult–not at eighteen or twenty-one. You realize your need to define yourself as an individual within society and to demonstrate what you’ve learned. Newswoman Jane Pauley described turning thirty as having grown into womanhood. German film director Werner Herzog compared this period in his life with a maiden’s loss of virginity, a line drawn across his path marking the end of his youth.

This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish everything you’ve ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you’ll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change. During his first Saturn Return Vincent Van Gogh decided to be a painter rather than a minister. More frequently it means a new direction or specialization within your chosen field.

If you have been building steadily toward a goal that’s right for you, Saturn Return can be a time of achievement and rewards. Your labors bear fruit. Runner Bill Rodgers’ Saturn Return marked the first of three consecutive Boston Marathon wins. William Faulkner published his first novel at age twenty-nine.

According to California astrologer Stephen Arroyo, author of Astrology, Karma and Transformation, “The quality of the entire experience and the extent to which it is felt to be a ‘difficult’ time depends entirely on how one has lived during the previous twenty-nine years.” If you have been pursuing an unsuitable vocation or merely fulfilling someone else’s expectations, Saturn can be relentless in prodding you to make adjustments.

Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one.

Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, “Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being.”

Often interpersonal relationships are deeply affected by Saturn Return. Gail Sheehy writes in Passages: Predictable Crises in Adult Life that during this period “Almost everyone who is married will question that commitment.” The U.S. Census Bureau lists the peak divorce years as ages twenty-eight to thirty. Some people experience more subtle or private adjustments in their patterns of relating, such as shifts in responsibilities. Many couples decide to become parents, not only altering their relationships but their financial obligations and perhaps their vocations as well.

If a relationship is sound, based on mutual respect, honesty, and sharing, it will probably survive the test of Saturn Return and become even stronger. But a relationship begun before the partners knew what they really wanted is likely to fall apart. Relationships that start during this period may have a “fated” or “karmic” quality about them.

“Saturn. . . is never easy to deal with because his function is that of promoting growth,” explains astrologer Liz Greene, author of Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil, “and it is only frustration and pain which at present are sufficient goads to get a human being moving.” This frustration and pain have given Saturn a bad reputation. But the planet’s often misunderstood value lies in its very ability to evoke pain. Like the pain of an illness, it warns that something is wrong. Saturn doesn’t create the problems, it merely illuminates them.

Growth is often accompanied by trepidation and turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown.

Even if your external world seems to be in order, your internal structure may feel as though it’s being assaulted with a battering ram. Nervous conditions, irritability, depression, insomnia, and feelings of insecurity are common. Most people go through some sort of identity crisis.

Even though your Saturn Return may be disturbing, ultimately it reveals what you truly want and sweeps away the clutter that may have been impeding your progress. Your Saturn Return is a personal spring cleaning. No matter how difficult it seems to let go of inappropriate people and things, the first Saturn Return is the time to do it. For if lessons are not learned, the problems will come knocking again during your second Saturn Return at about age fifty-eight, when you are more set in your ways. Once the conflict is confronted, the tension usually subsides. You feel stronger and more capable of moving ahead.

Saturn Return is one of the most crucial turning points you ever experience, when you assume the greatest responsibility of all: responsibility for your own life.

Here are the freaky parts. First of all, I can’t believe we have to continue to go through this shit for three more years. Second of all, This makes perfect sense as to why I am constantly arguing with my brother. I have literally shouted at him, “Take responsibility for yourself!” hundreds of times lately in our arguments. But why should he want to? He is comfortably coasting along that blissful age of 26 (just turned it) where none of this shit is even a speck on the horizon. While I don’t necessarily need my emotions/thoughts to be validated to know that they are real, it is helpful to know why I can’t control them or why certain things are affecting me to such a degree. Obviously, the entire living/working situation has either just amplified or speeded up things that were already there or going to happen anyway. It is rough as hell though, I will tell you that much. I have always been fairly contemplative, but the inner dialogues I have been having lately are on another level all together and the frequency with which I have been remembering my bizarre (probably anxiety/stress related) dreams is extreme. Suddenly, certain things seem much clearer, but I don’t really feel any closer to truly understanding them.

0 2 / 2 5 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 25, 2009


Yesterday a friend who had seen the blog asked me about these leggings . . .

He wanted to know if they were Sass & Bide Black Rats, which they are not, but it got me thinking about the Rats . . . I was thinking about this picture from Jak & Jil featuring them:

So last night while I was trying on various outfit combinations (just to come up with some new ideas) I was using the leggings I’m wearing today (by Silence & Noise) in the same fashion — pulling them down over ankle boots — and I really liked the effect. But then while I was lying in bed trying to sleep through yet another afterparty hosted by my brother, I was thinking about wearing the leggings with these new Vince Camuto shoes I got the other day. I thought it would look good to wear them with no socks but when I woke up and attempted that, I realized the shoes really aren’t nude, they’re more of a bone color, so it didn’t work. Luckily I accidentally brought these fishnet socks with me last time I was packing from NYC — I don’t think I’ve worn them since the early 2000s. Either way, I was really into this look, worn with a vintage silk dress, Derek Hart cardigan and random studded belt that I got at Beacon’s. When I went out for the day, the leggings garnered a lot of positive responses from people at the various shops I visited. Anyway, back to the Black Rats. I managed to find a pair on Australian Ebay last night for about $65 USD (including shipping) and I’m totally stoked (they retail for $180). I hope they fit/look good/etc. Either way, it will be noted here.

0 2 / 2 4 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 24, 2009


Wearing Mary Meyers biggie shirt as a dress with vintage belt from yesterday, diy slip, black tights, Nine West shoes.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian is on demand, so I decided to partake in my brother’s giant flat screen hi-def tv instead of watching a movie on my tiny MacBook screen as I usually do. Reading the book before seeing the movie is one of my favorite things to do, but when it came to Narnia, I just couldn’t do it. I know that Narnia is really important to many people but I found the books to be completely tedious and boring. I feel that I owe it to them to have another go at it though — seeing as how I’ve definitely read way worse books in my time (uh, try EIGHT of those True Blood books) so when I go down to NYC to get all my stuff, I’ll have to try again. I’m sure my love of Harry Potter, The Golden Compass, vampires and pretty much all comic book related things ever has clued everyone into the fact that I am a complete fantasy nerd, but despite (or because of) that, I was still majorly entranced with Tilda Swinton’s costumes in the first Narnia movie. Never wanted to wear a crown made of icicles or tons of ermine until I saw these . . .

0 2 / 2 3 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 23, 2009


In an attempt to leave the stifling boredom of my room behind for a little while today, I went thrift shopping around Allston. First, Urban Renewals, which is generally pretty bad but sometimes has good furniture or various odds and ends. I managed to find this vintage black leather skirt which actually fits me really well and I am super stoked on it. I think it’s going to be a lot more useful than that pleather skirt from Zara which seemed like a good idea at the time but proved really hard to actually move around in. $7.99, total steal. I also grabbed Bram Stoker’s Dracula (the book) and a book about juice fasting. I feel like this purchase really showcases all the various aspects of my personality. There’s the black leather — something I love way too much for a vegetarian, the goth-ness of the vampire book (a somewhat new but all-consuming love) and the bourgeois food-hippiness. After Urban Renewals, I went to the newish Goodwill which completely sucked all around (not organized, nothing good, etc), though I managed to find this skinny black leather belt, which is something I’ve felt was missing from my wardrobe as of late.

After leaving the Goodwill, I noticed that there was an In Your Ear record store a few doors down. A friend recently took me to the one in Harvard Square which had a few things of note, so I figured I’d check this one out. Good idea. I managed to find a bunch of good stuff: Love & Rockets (really wanted “So Alive” on vinyl), Twelve Drummers Drumming (have one song from this album on 12″), Psychic TV (been listening to a lot of this lately), Voice Farm (minimal synth band), Nash The Slash (Canadian minimal synth), Adam Ant – Deutscher Girls 7″ and Bow Wow Wow – Fools Rush In 7″. I was just talking about “Deutscher Girls” with Micki the other day and I’ve been thinking about Bow Wow Wow’s cover of that song since re-watching Marie Antoinette a few months ago. Of course I ended up chatting with the old creeps in the record store for a while about TG and PTV. Old record store creeps always love me. There was an INSANE amount of 7″s at this store so I am sure I will be back to peruse and see if there’s any other goodies hidden away. I didn’t want to go through them all today because a) it would have taken hours and b) then I wouldn’t be able to go back (doesn’t really seem like the kind of store that gets much new stock in). All of these purchases cost me less than $50, so I think today’s retail therapy session was extremely successful.

0 2 / 2 2 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 22, 2009


Obviously these Rodarte boots are the greatest shoes I have ever seen. I was having a Facebook Chat with someone who “wasn’t really feeling them” and said that he just couldn’t see someone walking down the street in them. Which is completely WRONG because if I could afford them, I would walk down the street in them every day. Anyway, I was thinking about them while I was getting dressed and I kept vetoing everything, even though I had originally wanted to wear pants today (all of this worrying about my outfit proved to be utterly pointless since the rain prevented me from doing anything), the pants just weren’t working for me. So I ended up pairing those Urban Outfitter leggings with these square-toed Jill Stuart boots that I have only worn a few times. It’s obviously not as good . . . but I like the effect and will probably do this pairing again on a day when it can be seen by someone besides my cat.


0 2 / 2 1 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 21, 2009


What I’ve been wearing to bed lately.

0 2 / 2 1 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 21, 2009


I sent this to Micki, but of course he had already seen it. Here’s what he had to say:

Nikolas got his ear cut off by all these muscle queens. They drove his car off the road in LA and cornered him and cut off his ear cuz he was posting all this pro-AIDS anti-gay propaganda.

But then I saw them in this film cuz they’re friends with this flagrantly homosexual occultist filmmaker named Curtis Harrington whom you should totally look into.

OF COURSE he would know that. In many ways, Micki has been a true guide in my life. He is not overpowering or ever trying to force me in a certain direction, but he always seems to come to me at a time when I am ready for the next thing and he presents it in such a way and offers such an exceptional amount of background information and further study that I actually am able to become involved in something I didn’t even know I needed (but truly do) in my life. Case in point: sigils, shine on, blue apples.

Here’s the first track from Micki’s Halloween Mix II, which he kindly sent to me in October. It doesn’t sound that creepy until they start chanting, “COME, COME TO THE SABBAT, COME TO THE SABBAT, SATAN’S THERE!”

0 2 / 2 0 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 20, 2009


Wearing H&M dress, DIY slip, Wolford green tights over no-name black tights, Vince Camuto heels.

FYI – the windows I have open in Firefox right now, besides WordPress, are: YouTube – The First Family of Satanism, Facebook | The Church of Satan, Official Church of Satan Website.

FYI 2 – in the background: assorted scarves, Rogues Gallery pentagram scarf, Obesity & Speed skull tote, Peter Murphy poster.

0 2 / 2 0 / 0 9

Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on February 20, 2009