I'll Wear Any Color As Long As It's Black

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Posted in / / / by Jeralyn on April 17, 2009


 


“We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

I’ve been packing, like, really packing. Going through drawers and boxes and dumping out the trash I don’t need and saving the scraps I want to keep forever. I found all the old polaroids — I guess I made an attempt at putting them in an album and then completely forgot about it. Some great pictures of my old half-shaved head will be up on Flickr soon. I also found the long-lost Spelling Problems #3 — guess I always manage to keep one copy hidden somewhere. The cover drawing is by Massimo, one of his maps that he loves to doodle. It’s so strange to look at old things like this zine, a wrinkled up piece of paper which was a rough draft of a letter to my ex-boyfriend (yeah, I used to think that much about things) and a journal I started on the way back from my first trip to Europe. I think it’s because I really am getting older and my life really is changing that I start to think about the many phases of my life and try to sort them out, if for no other reason than to understand who I’ve become.

From the archives . . .

08/28/02

On the way back to America, over the Atlantic at present. I’ve decided to somewhat separate my thoughts simply so I can use up these fabulous exercise books I bought in London. So this will serve to house all the thoughts and images and scraps relating to these past two weeks, especially since I no longer have a “junk” box.

I feel as though whatever lessons I’ve supposedly learned won’t really show up or come into play until I am again settled in my (very) tiny corner of Manhattan. What I do know — what I have learned — is that leaving New York isn’t such a bad thing — it gives one’s mind a little time to clear, but oh how it aches to be away from that splendid city for so long.

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow, in my own bed and set about preparing myself for the onslaught of fall and the school that comes with it. If C does end up staying in my apartment, I think it will be all right, I am sure we’ll both be busy enough to not get in each other’s hair. Weird though, to think of him not living four blocks and an avenue and a half away.

I wonder what these two weeks have done to NYC and the people I love there. I’ve never been gone for this long and while I am not really worried, I don’t know, maybe I’m still a bit nervous. But I have stories of British DJs and pictures of Sacré-Cœur to prove that what I’ve been doing is just as important.

I think that when I am settled, when I’ve had a few weeks to digest, I need to attack my stay in Paris within these pages. So beautiful, imposing and lonely.

To quote Joan Didion, as I did above, “Was anyone ever so young?”

Goodbye To All That by Didion — from Slouching Towards Bethlehem, which is kind of my bible.

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